Easy Auto Theft!


Sure, stealing cars is fun. And, yes, you can make a lot of money in a short time. But realistically, how much effort do you really want to put into this?

Say you’re a criminal with children and you don’t want theft to take away from family time. Or, say you’re an ex-con but you have a new addiction and you want to do more partying. You don’t want to go thru the trouble of breaking the car window, cramming your body under the steering column, touching dangerous live electrical wires (they don’t call it HOT wiring for nothing), cutting the steering wheel to remove the wheel lock, etc. And then there’s the ear-ringing alarm and witnesses, and yuck! It quickly just becomes too much hassle and avoiding effort is why you chose a life of crime in the first place.

What if I told you that instead of all that mess, you could take a car (that isn’t yours) which is unlocked with the keys in it and is ready to roll! Yes, you read that right! With a little forethought, stealing a car can be as simple as walking into your own garage and driving off in your very own motorcar.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Sure people leave the cars running at daycare and run inside but, Oogly, they’re coming right back or worse, their brats could still be in the back seat”. Well, you’re on the right track, but take it one step further. Think automobile mechanic!!

That’s Right! After they do their work, most shops leave the cars in the parking lot with the keys in the ignition or on the floor boards. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg when you think about it. First, they provide a comfortable waiting room for you to sit in and observe (Oh, if only all my heists included free coffee). Second, you know the car is repaired, has new tires, alarm is off, and so on. And third, daycares and convenience stores may have cameras but I’ve never seen one at a busy tire place.

Now you could nab the first car out of the shop while the customer is paying. But WAY better than that is waiting for the mark who drops off his car and then goes back to work. Mr. Business Man is not going know you nicked his wheels and report it stolen until as much as eight hours later (plus he’s bound to have a way nicer ride than Mrs. Housewife who can wait for her car). By that time, you’ll already be checking the bids on your Ebay car-parts auctions. No Muss, no Fuss, all Wuss!

Auto theft is a crime of opportunity, so follow my advice and be sure to make your larceny grand.

(If you read to the end here, then you owe me a vote. Its not a moral judgement if you chuckled, right? Hey, I know where you get your car worked on!)