How to Take a LONG Paid Vacation
(and your Boss Won’t Mind)!

 

A True Story of the Ultimate Working of the System.

So I told one of my college buddies about my post here, “How to keep Obnoxious Kids from Bugging You”. He said he knew of an even better trick: How to take extended paid leave from work and your employer won’t mind at all.

I’m a therapist at a large city hospital. We recently had a patient that had the whole staff talking. He’d figured out how to work the system so that he got to take over two whole years off while still receiving his full salary. Usually employers want to get their employees back on the job ASAP, but this guy’s employer was literally encouraging him to take more time off and for us to approve it!!

So, how’d he do it? In the first hour of the first day of therapy, the guy says to me:
“I’m constantly having fantasies about killing my boss. I would never actually do anything like that but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

And, BOOM!, I can’t allow him to go back to work. Instant paid medical leave. Since he had no problems in his background, no history of violence, and made it clear that this was a fantasy on which he would never act, I could not have him involuntarily committed to the hospital. When word got back to his office that he wanted to pulp the boss, it was no surprise his boss didn’t EVER want him to come back. But he can’t legally fire the guy since he’s on medical leave. However, as long as the guy is just gone, the boss is happy and still alive (plus medical leave doesn’t come out of his department’s budget). And thus became real, every working schmo’s fantasy: the permanent paid vacation.

I only performed the initial evaluation and I honestly don’t know if the guy was faking it, but once he realized the situation, he definitely started milking it. He only had to attend two or three 45 minutes therapy sessions (for free) each week to talk about whatever was on his mind. All he had to do was say ‘yes’ when asked if he ever had any more of those pesky boss-murdering fantasies, and he was set to live the dream for another month. No Muss, no Fuss, all Wuss! Even his doctors and the hospital (who had to know something was fishy) were happy to keep taking their fees for treating him. He was lower mid-management for a large company and, needless to say, he had excellent insurance.

-JF

Now that I think about it, maybe I should whack the no good, son-of-a-bitch that I work for.
-Oogly